We had our first taste of boredom yesterday. Even though I was pretty busy running about, every time I returned to our house, an uneasy wave of boring bore into me. This is coming from someone, who generally scolds people for saying they're bored. I mean, there are SO many things to do! I'm in the middle of about three "projects" now, not to mention the mail I mean to post, books to read, desserts to bake. But yesterday kissed us with a spell of... what was it exactly?... a combination of not
wanting to do anything, restlessness, boredom. Are we
that ready to leave?
As I write this, S is looking up what our internet speed will be in California. Currently we pay more than $80/month for a snaily 0.4 Mb, which cuts out intermittently (aka regularly). We just got back from our typically sad market of wilted greens and rotting fruits--for which we also pay too much. So S also searches how much groceries cost at Trader Joe's. It's a little crazy how much we love grocery shopping together. TJ's, among other markets, is me being a happy kid in a candy shop.
I thought I would be more nostalgic thinking of our last six weeks here. And I do feel so. When I talk to certain people, I know I will miss parts of being here. Some people. The mountains. My yoga teacher. The
lazy relaxed lifestyle.
(You can't live here if you want to get something done, fast--it'd drive you batty!) Living off the grid in our own little way + checking out of the bigger world...
(I'm not political here, sometimes I barely know what's even happening in the world out there. And--here--I don't feel the slightest tinge of guilt about having checked out so thoroughly. I guess the things that concern me most these days have to do with third world recycling aka lack thereof and decrepit street dogs.)
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| {wondering what i was in for in 2007} |
But I won't miss the horrid customer service, the hurricane winds + and inhospitable weather, the garbage the filth, the barking street dogs + poor diseased puppies
(enough to make the hardest-hearted sniffle--so many of my foreign friends have taken in crazy numbers of strays), the
propineros in the market who assault you with their plastic bags despite your protestations
(and then you give them coins for this), the food and lack of food choices. I find myself saying way too many times a day:
in California this... or
in the States that... And yes, all this does make me shake my head at myself!
Don't get me wrong, there have been so many amazing moments and life changes that occurred here, living "at the end of the world." (Most notably we found each other. A beginning--not so much the end.)
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| {our happy beginning : torres del paine} |
I'm sure our last days here will compel me to dive in and write about some of the heart's serpentine journey. For now, knowing that we are almost finished enduring everything we've
chose to endure by living here... whew, it's incredibly freeing!
Do you have an ambiguous relationship with where you live?
31 comments:
I kind of do, actually, and I live in California. :) I have grown to really appreciate some of the great, beautiful things here, but I'm an East Coast girl at heart and always will be. We're planning on moving to the Carolinas in a couple years, and already I find myself planning how I'll redo the house I own there, etc. It's not that I dislike California, it's that it's never quite completely felt like home.
I think one have to feel really finished with the place before one moves... nearly sickly so. Later you will only look back on the beautiful parts of the stay (at least I think so). Still not knowing where we are moving...Hard to wait for the signals!
So wonderful that you have been brought up with Art!
Awesome post, and welcome back to Cali. Your journey has sounded amazing, and I completely agree about guilt-free checking out. It feels so acceptable to do that in other countries. I wish Cali felt the same.
xo M
One of my favorite things to do one the weekend is grocery shop with my fiance. I don't know what it is about it that makes me so happy.. but sometimes that's what we do on our date nites! :]
I have this kind of relationship with Texas. It will always be a special place for me because it's where we fell in love and had a baby.. but I can't wait for the day that it's a very distant memory.
I'm excited that you get to come back to the States. Sounds like it will be a good switch. I'd imagine it would be a bit interesting to get used to though--going from off-the-grid, away from it all to right smack in the middle. I look forward to hearing you post about the transition back. :)
Love that last photo on your blog. BEAUTIFUL! :)
I think this is a great sign you are ready to move on to a new phase in life! I actually had a very ambiguous relationship for many years in London (so we are looking forward to working out some job arrangements to be spend more months in the U.S. each year - don't get me wrong, I do love many things about London, but there's a surprising lack of inertia and lack of get-to-the-point attitude in the UK that I take for granted in the US)...I think it's exciting you are thinking about all the different angles of this new move. I'm wishing you a lot of good moving/prepping vibes - it's wonderful!
I am so excited that you'll be in my area! Lunch after you're settled, for sure. Also TJ doesn't always have best prices, just so you know. Oh, can't wait! congratulations!
Yay!!! California is awesome! :)
I love that last picture, but Trader Joes can make anyone ridiculously happy.
Take lots of pictures before you two leave. seriously, pictures of you packing, and empty rooms and all of that stuff :)
Ok, let me first say the picture of the two of you is AMAZING, so Romantic and Lovely and I can't express how much I love it :)
You have such a charmed life and I love hearing all about it! Where ever you go, you'll do just fine and then some!
Happy Monday!
gi gi
Wow, these pictures are gorgeous! I love so many aspects of LA- the weather, beaches, great restaurants and shopping, did I mention the weather? But I went to dinner with girlfriends on Friday night and it took me over an hour and a half to get there in traffic (it was 18 miles away). Ugh. It's days like that when I dream about living somewhere else.
Valerie
Awwww you have ennui! I wish I were there to entertain you. :) Soon enough we'll be romping around the East Bay together--can't wait. I unambiguously love California, though I miss Georgia a lot, so I'm divided there.
YES i do! - i'm a Jersey girl through and through - i tried moving out of the state a few times - never worked out - i always came back to my beloved NJ .. but i'm STILL open to the fact i wanna live around the world ..
This was so interesting to read! and that last photo is beautiful, wow look at those mountains! Once you're back in the US you'll look back at your time in SA and remember it fondly, though, I'm sure.
That last picture is beyond stunning!
Nathalie
Trader Joes is a MUST wherever I live!!! :)
That picture of you and your sweetheart is incredible, the background takes my breath away!
I can relate to where you're at. Looking forward to things you've missed, kind of tired of where you are, but at the same time remembering vaguely why it was you wanted out in the first place. I feel the same about Cali vs. island living in WA state - and truth be told I really do miss the slower pace and time to stop and think.
But then i might whine about other things.
Tricky humans we are. Grass looks greener on all sides.
xoxo,
Carrie
I imagine some things about the culture you were raised in are so deeply embedded within you, that you will always view other things as strange, or wrong. Even if you can eventually appreciate them, you will want to return to where you are 'at home'.
I don't think I could live with seeing diseased puppies all the time, and get so frustrated when the internet is slow or stops working!
But like all memories, no matter how bad they are in the moment, you will always look back on them with the rose colored glasses of nostalgia.
Chic on the Cheap
Your description Of how you feel reminds me of my emotions when we were stationed in a place called Fort Leonard Wood Missouri. I actually cried when we got there; my life was ruined! However, it's funny how my memories of my time there are the fonder ones( i guess i permanently blocked out my initial detest for the place). I'm happy that you're moving back to a place that makes you happy and essentially affords you a better quality of life.
Hey gorgeous! I love that kissing photo, so sweet!
It is hard to imagine you bored, perhaps it is meant for you to wind down a bit before starting another amazing adventure.
I desperatly wish I lived somewhere other than Canada. I dream about going back to Europe or moving to a warm US state.
i totally have with everywhere i've lived. also, i'd totally be one of those crazies who takes in multiple strays (that's so sad!). i hope you enjoy your last days, and please share more about your journey!
Yes, I agree living and belonging to two different cultures is quite hard. Each will tug at your heart in different ways.
It really is amazing how good Americans have it when it comes to customer service (ahem as someone whose lived in London, outside Paris, and now Singapore).
The food brings me back though and I brought like 30 kg of Trader Joe's back to Asia!
Absolutely LOVE your "beginning" picture. It's perfect!!!!!
I do have an interesting relationship with living here - especially after i visited London and heard english all around me again! I will be curious to go home for the holidays...
I will also be curious to hear how you adjust to moving back. I'm so excited for you.
Have a great day my friend.
~ Village
There are pros and cons to every place I guess, and I can totally picture myself going to live with Cas in Holland for some time for the grocery stores alone!
Other than that I suppose European cities are all pretty similar despite their small differences, unlike the US and Chile :)
I think it's really hard to stay here & now once you've decided to move. It's like the mind checks out almost immediately but the body is still hanging around the old place, not quite knowing what to do.
This is coming from someone who has lived in four countries in one year – and not moving again anytime soon! ;-)
Good luck with everything.
I have a relationship with Florida because it's all I know but if I didn't have so many ties here, I would think about moving somewhere else, just for the adventure.
Love the last pic!
i do somewhat. i adore ohio, specifically northeastern ohio, but this time in a year i hope to be somewhere else. there are things i want that just aren't here, which is not to say there aren't things here that i really love.
hmmm....
great post, dear!
xo Alison
i am so in love with my toronto although i do feel adulterous in my frequent thoughts about new york...
grocery shopping with your love...what is it about that? i used to love doing that too. especially at trader joes!
i think it's only natural to have a little bit of a love/hate relationship where you live. for instance, i LOATHE the traffic congestion here in and around Seattle, BUT i think it makes me love and appreciate even more the quiet peacefulness of the woods. if it was quiet everywhere (like when i lived in rural germany) i wouldn't crave the outdoors as much as i do here (wheras in germany i craved the hustle & bustle of the cities).
i joke that it's 'always something' but i think i'm happiest here, more so than any other place i've lived so far. but definitely in hindsight there are things i miss from europe, nyc, the midwest...which just makes it all the more wonderful when i go back for a little visit.
wow, that was rambly. apologies! :)
I hope that you find California fills every void that you might feel from what has been your home for so long now. Internet is cheaper and Trader Joe's has great prices! And since you know California, that helps a lot too :)
I hope you are enjoying your weekend!
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