and so we adapt.

Dear Rowan,

Lately we look at this every day.

Puerto Natales, Chile, where you were almost born.

I like to see this 10x20 print unscrolled in the kitchen, waiting to be framed. Of course it looks cold and romantic, quiet, a little bit sleepy.

There's this emotive sky at dusk when the streetlights light up dimly. And you really feel like you're at the end of the world. See me? Wearing my favorite San Francisco boots, jeans, a patchwork skirt, a couple layers of shirt beneath a puffy jacket, scarf, hat. Walking fast cuz it's cold and confident cuz I don't belong there, feeling like I can do anything because I am there.

Even though it seems pretty dark, looking at that picture makes me want to go back. Life is visually lighter here in the Indian summer of California, but a bit cluttered and clumsy too. I continue to struggle with whether we belong here. (Apparently, I still have some reckoning to do with this matter of belonging.)

For the moment I'm happy to remember that exhilarating feeling of living at the bottom of the world.
And to share it with you, whether we're looking at the photo or in the mirror every morning together. All the mirrors in the house are covered with your slobbery handprints. Yep, I'm a mom. I still turn the idea over in my hand, smooth as a river stone by now. I'm a home, and I'll be your home for a while yet. Wherever we are, that's where we belong.

I promise to do my best to help you feel like you belong, wherever you are. But don't ever move that far away from me. I might just follow you!


Hollie said...

at first glance, I thought this said "we adopt" haha!

ahhh, home. someday. :]

(I kid, I'm just so ready to move.)

this free bird said...

belonging. i don't know if i'll ever fully know what that means. no matter where i move i'm always asking if this is the place i belong.


maybe that's where we belong: on the journey.

SmartBear said...

Ah, so lovely. The other day my son said "but mama, when I grow up I will have my own house but I will still have you for pancakes".
I said that was perfect.

Annie said...

awww I know what you mean! I'm still figuring that out too!

simona said...

The word "home" seemed to be so simple and lovely. Now it's changed its meaning a lot and I start calling more than one place my home. But none of them fills the meaning of the first "home". (Not sure if that makes sense to anybody else but me...)

Casa Très Chic said...

Beautiful, beautiful picture, but I guess Chile isn't the same anymore, with tons of volcano ashes.
I live in Joinville, Santa Catarina, in Southern Brasil and today we woke up with a thin layer of ashes from the Chilean volcano.
It loked like dust, could you imagine that? We're very far from Chile.
Now, about my post, I'd love to live in that fabulous house, too.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

What a beautiful memory and story! I believe a home is definitely a place with family no matter where we are (I do miss NYC at times though)

Chic 'n Cheap Living

honey my heart said...

this is beautiful. having a place where you feel like you belong is just the best.

Kristin H said...

What a gorgeous photo, the colors are bewitching. I think you can write a whole novel by the inspiration of it.

Krystal said...

i've moved around lots, and just when i had stayed in one place the longest and i felt like i was belonging, i wanted to move! and so now i'm here!

Di said...

I love the photo and can understand your sentiments. Though I am not one for change I can understand why people feel the need......


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