friday present: pegasus catapult.

This week stormed through the house and swept up all the pretty horses--light like feathers--impeding its path. It makes me think, maybe I really did ride a pegasus last night, dreaming. After this week's hectic, I'm so thankful for now's lull:

to be quiet... 

{photo by khalid almasoud}
Have you ever noticed how hungry just the mere act of thinking makes you? I used to work in a cubicle at a Silicon Valley internet company. I'd eat a bowl of cereal there, and even though my only activity was brain and finger-related, my stomach would start growling in no time. But then on the weekends--even though I physically moved around more--I could go all morning without eating and without feeling too hungry. I don't know if this has something to do with being alone or the amber waves of brain activity calming down. Maybe the extra energy came from not being exposed to florescent lighting's energy sap.

I do know that little things like talking eat up a lot of our energy. A couple years ago, I did a 10-day meditation in silence. We'd have lunch at 11 a.m. and in the afternoon around 5, we'd eat a piece of fruit and drink tea. I never felt ravenous hunger, until the last day when we broke the silence. That day we still meditated, but between meditations, we talked and got to know the people with whom we shared our rooms, the incredible experience. When evening tea time came around, we were famished.

My point: Sometimes simple conversation can wear you out. We've had nearly four despedidas in as many days. Saying farewell takes a lot of talking, or in my case these zombie days, a lot of listening to others talk. Who knew it would be such a drain? So yeah, right now I'm happy to be quiet.

to be reminded...
Permanence is life's comical side dish, like that plate of brussel sprouts at Thanksgiving that nobody really touches. I'm sure the fact that we're leaving and saying goodbye to all our friends here makes moving all the more exhausting. This week we sold the car, we sold our land in Patagonia, we sold the last of our mountaineering equipment, we packed two of our bags and set aside piles of things to give away. I've looked on as beautiful friends take away pieces of my clothing. Part of me lights up to see my wardrobe refreshed on a different body. Part of me misses my body. Agility, lightness, stamina. (I know I'm not supposed to say that, but I'm sure such moments happen to everybody. And this is about acceptance.)

I didn't expect to find myself astride a saddle of attachment. I've moved a lot, sold off all my belongings more times than I care to count. Although it may not sound like it here, I am thankful for this lesson of letting go. We do live a pretty transient, up-in-the-air life, but here that's still easy and more or less stable. Moving back to complicatedville is frightening, so it's good to practice a little let-go right now. The only really ever have control over our thoughts + actions. So I am reminded: Make the thoughts positive, act with compassion.

{photo by colton witt photography}
to find space...
As I get heavier, my life lightens. Every day for the past two weeks, we have gotten rid of some material thing. During this time, baby enjoyed a growth spurt and my belly, lots of oil slathering. I'm creating space.

to be loved...
Yesterday I guess I just needed to cry. During our dinner party. Um, yeah, thanks return of the hormone crazies. It was late, luckily we were at our home, and everybody was entertaining themselves. I snuck into the bedroom, feeling how tired kids must feel when the fussing and crying kicks in. With no real reason other than it's time to be quiet and rest. How many fights have we picked in our lives because we weren't listening to our own exhaustion-o-meter?

S came to the rescue, held me, pulled me together, reminded me I'm a space maker. Thank you for your patience, understanding, killer pep talks and strong hugs.

{photo by seyyed mostafa zamani}
to be...
Grateful to just be. That's all.

What are you thankful for today?

22 comments:

Hollie said...

Why doesn't overthinking BURN calories! Cursed!

Jude said...

How beautifully-written, Heather! You captured so much of what it means to let go (from someone who's also moved more times than I care to count). And you're so onto something with the brain burning energy (I just read it in some brain book, it's true!) I've a job where I have to be in my head a lot - scary how much I eat all week, versus active weekends!

I hope you find some well-deserved peacefulness with the new weekend and new week. Sending lots of lovely vibes as you continue to progress!

Claire Kiefer said...

I want a Serkan to love me and take care of me through my meltdowns . . . I'm sure that makes everything better.

Coffee and a Book Chick said...

What a wonderful tribute to moving on. Absolutely glorious -- your posts just make me happy!

Krystal said...

aw, such a transitional time for you...full of things to think about! but...I think S is a keeper :)

Anna Walker said...

I love this post, and wow, it must be super super hard for you to to leave, but you're going to have everything work out.

PS.
S is super amazing! :)
Keep him forever!

http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/

georgia~gigi said...

I love to come visit you! You are so insightful, honest, brave, real! I am so excited for this baby, and how charmed he/she's life will be!
What great things will this baby have in store!
I hope your move goes smoothly!
Much love
gi gi

Dancing Branflake said...

Oh Heather! You pregnancy stories are so sweet and touching. Sending love to you!

LatteLisa said...

there's nothing like letting go during pregnancy.

Soldier on!

gracey said...

moving is really hard, so many things to brace on with, but with your mentality, i believe you can get through. keep the faith! <3

Castles Crowns and Cottages said...

Oh Heather, your words and musings are so heartfelt here and received in the same manner. What I love about blogging especially, is it gives us a REASON to compose our thoughts in writing, a most important exercise for not only the mind, but the heart. As we compose and revise and edit our thoughts, a miracle occurs; we begin to think about what really matters and THANKSGIVING takes place. LOVELY THOUGHTS DEAR and thank you for your visit! Anita

Miss Sew & So said...

well i am happy you found me!
i just read this post...& feel i am instantly in the middle of something very special & very big...i need to read backwards for a bit...i.m thinking that there is much to look forward to in your world at the moment...

i'm going now for more of a wander through it all....
melissa xx

lancelonie said...

Well-written! :)
Move on to a better life...
Peace be with you!

As for me, time to burn calories with my brain... :)

Take care, Heather!

~*~ saskia ~*~ said...

A lovely post, Heather, with the sweetest images.
Have a happy Sunday and a great start to the new week! xx

MarchMusings said...

We were remarking on that at work; how we eat so much on weekdays then on weekends we're so active and eat only half as much.

this free bird said...

Oh Heather. This is such a terrific post once again. I can only say that the most draining things in our lives are those that tax our emotions. Talking to people we really love...or really don't. Thinking, thinking, thinking - stirs emotions even if it's work thinking stuff. Packing and giving away your things (it's the CHANGE, the transition) to people you care about who have become important and like family away from family (there's that really LOVE thing again).

On top of it all you have the wee one...and leaving a life of simplicity to come back to a land of, welp, kinda not so simple and you have to work at keeping it that way - that's overwhelming to say the least. So many wonderful things to look forward to while many equally wonderful things to bid farewell. I'd have been bawling 6 months ago.

I'm grateful for the cat stepping on the computer. ghdj (just for you)

Really. I AM. oy

xo,
Carrie
hang in there sister!

the chirpy bird said...

Love this! So beautifully put... I'm so grateful that my mum arrives in the morning from Australia! yay!
Hope that you managed to have a peaceful weekend and that this week continues to be about growth and letting go :)
xox tash

Diana Mieczan said...

Hi,sweetie I always wanted to try meditation in silence for a few days. My friend also did it and she said it really changed her a lot. Hope you had a relaxing weekend and wish you a great start to the week#Hugs and kisses

Stacey said...

I can so relate to this post, sometimes you just want to let go and be...Great brain burning energy concept too:-). XX

Stacey said...

Oh and thanks for the b'day wish:-)

Kristin Hjellegjerde said...

I am thankful for all the time I get to spend with my boys (my little ones are 4 and two and my man). This weekend we went to the Bronx Museum and Harlem museum and they were soooo good.
By the way, sitting here thinking makes me want to eat muffins...:)

Ashleigh said...

I love this post, so many wonderful points to ponder...

I thought I might be the only one who can eat lunch and be starving an hour later (only M-F) :)

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